Dear TV-Watching Pals about Bondi, Especially for my pal BR, who lives in Bondi but is still not any kind of consultant for any of the “reality TV”shows set in Bondi, Sydney, although with his insights into Australian social life, he really ought to be …
Follows a list of shows on the drawing boards using Bondi locations, and productions of same could well take the next ten or twenty years, who knows?
(Disclaimer: As we know generically, there is no such thing as reality TV, since anything which has been sent through a TV camera is no longer real, but we knew this already.)
Sneak pre-2016 previews: Follows some kind of a new list updated after Bondi Vet went into its present season. (Shows are presented in order of likely popularity in 2016.)
Bondi Scuba Divers (in the harbour and up and down the coasts of Sydney, co-starring The Shark Bait Boys).
The Bondi Statue Fanciers Club. (in-depth series about Sculpture by the Sea exhibition but cleverly designed in ways to badmouth Coogee and to compete with Antiques Roadshow, could even compete with the new series based on Best Exotic Marigold Hotel).
Bondi Nerds Rule OK. (App developers of the world,stand back now and applaud).
Bondi Newsagent (watch thejaw-dropping decline of circulation of Sydney Morning Herald close up, a no-holds-barred insight into the awful disappearance of respected newspapers).
Bondi Prostitute (the blonde one) and the men who keep her in money, The Bondi Tricks.
The Bondi Rich List: Explore economic inequality in today’s Australia using these in-depth looks at Bondi’s wealth patterns as you go from week to week through your own socio-economic gurglers.
Bondi Storms (where the big waves come from).
Bondi Brainstorms (where the ideas for even bigger and better Bondi reality TV shows come from).
Bondi Vroom (on what kinds of cars the people of Bondi buy these days).
Bondi Riot (surprisingly, not sociology, just a show about where to get the best Internet bargains in Bondi).
Bondi – Navel of the Surf Universe: Watch surf-board based documentaries about gripping aspects of Bondi life such as how to shape a surf board from scratch, how new wax is applied to a 20 year-old surf board, layer by layer, by a 60-year-old surfer (who has a wonderfully photogenic case of skin cancer, is not just good, is wonderful).
Bondi Radio Voila: (Digital TV/radio) Random selections of what Bondi people listen to on those rare occasions when they turn the radio on (either digital, FM or AM, as you like). Streaming (wha?).
Bondi at War: Dead or Alive, but Real! (live footage, albeit vetted byAustralian Defence Forces). Check out soldiers, sailors or air force personnel at war who happened to be from Bondi, from the Boer War to the present day. (Replicas of their medals available online at eBay at designated prices.) Special attention to Kokoda Trail.
Bondi Schoolkids (primary). Bondi HSC (the best years vs the worst years, going back to pre-Schoolies days.)
Lastly, The Bondi Flag. Something new on TV to wrap yourself in before you go out to smite your enemies and send them back to where they came from.
(Reviewed at ultra-secret locations in Sydney by Dan Byrnes, late December 2015. Sorry, not, about a New Year’s Day spoof, it tends to come with the territory.)